


Heffalump

by winninghearts



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 21:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winninghearts/pseuds/winninghearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love means never having to say 'let's have a threesome'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heffalump

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zoamh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoamh/gifts).



Lily and Marshall tell each other everything. Mostly.

Marshall obviously knows about the time Lily woke up next to Barney while they were living together. Lily knows about the time a guy kissed Marshall after a few drinks in college, while she was in France. So they both know all about that stuff. Mostly.

Except that Lily conveniently forgot the mention that the Barney she woke up to was half-dressed, and she had memories of Barney biting the skin above her hip, fingers deep inside of her. Because while she told her boyfriend/fiance/husband Marshall everything, at that point he had been none of those things and maybe that obligation didn't feel entirely there.

And Marshall just didn't bother to clarify that when he said “kissed”, he more meant “made out with and sucked him off”. Because those were just mini-details, and Lily had been in _Europe_ for God's sake. And the thought of telling her when it would never matter again just seemed insurmountable.

And neither of them told the other about the dream that they had about Barney.

 

It was one of those dreams that was just hard to shake; you carry around bits and pieces and feelings of it for the rest of the day. Just in the back of your mind, and when you try to actively think about it, you can't. Lily couldn't remember exactly what Barney had been doing to her feet in the dream; she just remembered the rush. Marshall couldn't place just where Barney's mouth had been, but he still had that ghost of a feeling running up his spine.

They sat at breakfast, drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice and just barely thinking about fucking the same guy. Even afterwards, when they decided to make love in the kitchen (an attempt on both ends to rid themselves of the last remnants of the dream), all Marshall could think about was Barney's hands pressing done on his thighs as he pushed into his wife. Lily thought about Barney's teeth on her neck with Marshall keeping a firm grip on her waist.

 

It wasn't as if things were easier at the bar that night. They arrived late, as both had stalled for as long as humanly possibly. For some reason Barney was standing on the bar, shirtless, singing to a redhead in a short skirt and Lily just wanted to throw her legs over those bare shoulders. They got their drinks just as Barney was finished being thoroughly rejected, and all three fell into the bar together.

“Married,” Barney mumbled. “And not looking. I mean, obviously I saw the ring, but she could at least have let me know they weren't into the open thing before I hit the second verse!”

“It was a very beautiful number, though, Barney,” Robin said, wiping faux-tears from her eye. “Think of all the joy you brought to the bar.”

Barney attempted to put on his shirt, but the dramatic ripping-off of it had left the majority of the buttons on the bar floor. He sat there, shirt wrinkled, askew and quarter-buttoned, lips pouting. Lips Marshall vaguely remembered around him from the night before, and he couldn't help but wonder if they would feel the same in real life.

Push it down.

As the night when on, Lily expected her normal feelings to shift back into place, dream replaced by real life. But even as Barney told one of the most disgusting stories she had heard in recent history (“But true, I promise!”), she couldn't find it in her to be properly repulsed by him. In fact, they even turned her on a little bit.

Push it down, Aldrin!

His chest was so smooth. Lily liked hair, it was sexy, but there was also just something so hot about a smoothness that just...kept going. As if the most unfair Gods of Sex had ordered it, the new waitress choose that exact moment to trip and spill a tray of drinks straight onto Barney. Barney and his chest and disheveled clothes.

“Oh shit, I am so sorry, I-”

“Heffalump!”

Four heads turned away from the mess and to Marshall, who was clutching his glass so hard that it, if sentient, would be gasping for air.

“Well that's a code word if I have ever heard one,” Robin said, finishing off her drink and standing up. “I need to get to my date anyway. Ted- stop procrastinating on papers.”

Ted tilted back his head in a groan, and as he rattled off excuses to stay at the bar, Lily took Marshall aside.

They had quite a varied selection of code words for different things, not all sexual. It must have been hard to keep track of them all, really, and they should be applauded for doing so. 'Heffalump' was had just been thrown out in a joking manner, though. Heffalump would never truly be used. They had code words for the same things for Ted and Robin (Woozle and Kanga, respectively). For laughs.

After the day she had had, however, Lily could do nothing but hope that Heffalump meant Heffalump.

“Marshall...”

He stopped her. “Okay, Lily. You know how we have a no judgements policy when it comes to sex. Please remember that. If you are horrified by the idea, just say no now and we will never speak of it again. Please, never but.” He paused, unable to read the expression on his wife's face. “But If we are going to do this, now is the time. We advance now. No turning back.”

And both of their faces were deadly serious. For a moment, there was no movement, and then Lily nodded. The plan was go. Marshall took her face and kissed her gently. “You are the most remarkable woman I have ever met. I am so glad that out of all of the people in the world-”

“Shut it,” Lily said, grabbing Marshall by the hand quite fiercely and pulling. “Let's go get some.”

 

Barney had been surprisingly agreeable. “Not like I haven't thought about it,” he said, sliding his hand an inch under Lily's skirt, causing her to shiver. For a moment she worried he wouldn't show equal attention to Marshall, but Barney corrected that thought in the cab. And their apartment stairwell. And when they finally reached the bed, a mess of lips and limbs.

After a long while, Barney came up for air. His entire self was flushed and sweaty and pink, framed by the two bodies curled in next to him on either side. Catching his breath, he leaned back against the headboard and let a giant grin spread across his face.

“I have to say I'm impressed. No wonder you've stayed with each other all of these years.” He looked at both of them, smiling and turning his head from one side to the other. “Lily, I applaud your creative use of the bedside lamp. And Marshall- much more flexible than I would have expected, man.”

Marshall nodded, then looked at his wife behind Barney back. She let loose a wicked smile, and then they both grabbed a shoulder of Barney's shirt and pulled him back down.

“If I had known, I would have asked you a long time ago,” Barney said. “I guess I just assumed you guys would have some rule against things like thi-” Barney couldn't say anymore, because Lily shoved a gag in his mouth. Marshall reached into his lap and he just gave out a muffled moan.

Some rules were just made to be broken. After all, Marshall had repeatedly violated Article 34 of the Bro Code, and Barney did not seem to mind one bit.


End file.
